Vroom.....

Vroom.......Year 2005 has passed so quickly before I even realised it. It has a lot of good and a lot of bad. I just could not imagine that my Germany experience is already coming to one year. During this time of the year in 2005, I was really freaking out and busy preparing for the audition in Germany. Things like winter clothings, train schedules in Germany, music scores and practices really drove me to the wall. The stress in itself was so overwhelming that I lost so much weight. And of course not forgetting my pink(or rather red)-pimplish face. I always have that when I'm undergoing stress. Sigh....I suddenly have a lot of these reminiscence because I saw a fax from Aunty Maureen(a really nice lady whom I put up with when I was in Germany) today. She said there was plenty of snow on New Year's Day in 2006. So the word snow is causing me to have all these recollections. The thought of the Germany experience really send shivers down my spine. I sometimes hate to think of it because it was this trip that has caused a lot of pains and hurts to me. But yet it was this trip that makes me grow. I really learn a lot during this trip. I won't say I hate Germany. But I would like to go back there for tour someday as I really cherish those nice things from the European countries. YES! I do miss the snow, Schwarzwald (Black Forest) in Freiburg, the train rides on ICE, Nadelkuesse (some egg-white thingy coated with chocolate), tea time in Germany, food, etc. and of course not forgetting the wonderful people I met in Germany. People like Aunty Maureen and Werner, Shuen Da and other competitors from all over the world. Especially Aunty Maureen and Werner, I'll never forget your kind deeds and the acts of kindness that you've poured out to my family. I miss Harxheim too. Harxheim is a small village in the suburb where Aunty Maureen stays. It is really what I always like and dream of. A small neighbourhood with country-styled houses which is neatly and beautifully maintained. It also has a small supermarket where folks of the village meet-up during their daily shopping. It is such a simple lifestyle these people live (well, at least the looks of it). Oh well...Uncle Nick is right, we need to close the year 2005 well and deal with the issues that need to be resolved. I guess some parts of this experience is still haunting me and I sometimes just push away these scary memories to the back of my mind as I'm too fearful to deal with them. I know it's over and I'm safe and sound in Malaysia. But I just couldn't picture myself dealing with all the logistics before, during and after the trip. I'll never visualise myself walking alone during a gloomy snowy day, conversing (or at least try to express myself) in German to book a hotel or train ticket, hopping to different towns which I've absolutely no idea of, reading maps, and last but not least the performance in front of world-class music professors. I just couldn't believe it that I did all that. I know it's nothing to a lot of you who are reading this blog. But it means a lot to me as I was really a pampered and dependent person before this trip. After the trip, I was working and studying till now. I am glad that the trip brought about changes which will benefit me for life. And it is also through this trip that I realise there are a lot of people out there who cares for me. For all of you who have supported me through prayers, fellowship, and just being there to hear me out, I want to truly express my gratitude. You know who you are. And it is also through this trip that I've drawn closer to some of my church friends. It was all of you who made God's presence and blessings evident to me. You guys are just so God-sent. I know God was carrying me in His arms through all these events. He was holding my hand all the way. I can only begin to see the big picture after this one year. I agree that when we are so caught up with a situation, we can't see God as we magnify our problems more than we magnify who our God is. And sometimes we are not able to see the full picture as we are standing too near the picture. We've gotta stand further to be able to view the magnificent piece of art. That's what I can conclude. I still might not understand some of the things which happened. But I'm beginning to see it. I hope God is guiding me on the right track. I don't want to have the 'what-if'' moments, in other words the regretting moments by making the wrong decisions.

Ok.....so much about my reflection on 2005. I was really busy with events and activities during the X'mas and New Year season. The hip-hop dance presentation turned out quite well. Too bad there is no proper recording of the whole presentation. It's one genre of music that I'm starting to like and I've discovered my long-unearthed desire....that is to learn dancing. I really love dancing and I hope I can do something about it. Well, if I have the $, I'll definitely invest my time in dance classes. Sigh...It's ok, we can't always have the best of both worlds. It's either dancing or music classes. I can't give up my violin yet coz I still have my exam to sit for.

Then, I also watched King Kong yesterday. I don't know how to describe my feelings about it. Felt a bit weird as a lot of people were touched by the romance between Ann and King Kong. The weird thing is I'm not really touched by that and I'll never imagine love between a human and an animal or at least a not-human-nor-animal thingy. Probably I'm just not a person who likes unrealistic stuff. I can be quite realistic when I wanna be though I used to be an idealist. I just hope that those scary scenes in the show won't appear in my dreams. Some parts of the movie are quite yucky and gross. Ah well, I shan't talk about it. Don't wanna comment nor spoil an A-rated movie.

I think I've blogged enough. Hope it doesn't bore you. Happy New Year once again...