Fa la la la la....

Yes...tis the season to be jolly, fa la la la la ,la-la-la-la ..... Silver bells, Silver bells, it's Christmas time in the city....

They can sing all they want, but i'm not feeling Christmas-sy. It's the Lord's birth and there is every reason to rejoice. But sad to speak, I'm not feeling a slight tinge of the season. Probably I'm swarmed with exams and datelines. I hope it's due to that and nothing else. I didn't have a good Christmas last year. Yeah, my church did a big production on Christmas and all. But I was hit by some crises and therefore my whole year end was miserable. I don't want to remember it and I hope I'll never have the same thing happening to me again. But I can foresee that it's going to be like that again next year end. There's this something that no one knows. It's a cycle thing in my life. One year it'll be good, one year it'll be exactly the opposite, which is terribly bad. So this year will be a bit better than last year, and next year the bad thing occur, and this spell or cycle just goes on and on, year in year out. I really wanna break the spell. I'm so sick of this. It's never nice when you have self-fulfilled prophecy. It's not a joy to know that you can predict the happening of things you know. Oh well....sometimes I wonder whether I think and worry too much or do I think too little.

I'm listening to a Christmas radio channel online now. The songs are really nice, jazzy and relaxed. It makes me feel as if I'm on some sort of vacation on the country roads or by the coastal roads in Australia looking over the beach. I miss holidays....i really do....I'm so sick staying in this urban lifestyle, having to comply to so many urban living 'rules'. Well, these rules are uptight if you would agree with me. Rules such as: having a fashionably-skinny body to fit into the day-by-day-getting-smaller sizes of women clothes. I'm sometimes very stressed out with those rules. I get very emo and have lower self esteem whenever I get out of the fitting rooms in the mall.....Oh well....there you go....i just said it....I've low self esteem...

Ok, gotta go now....merry christmas to everyone who's reading my blog.