Alas....

Alas there's a break for me.....In 9 minutes' time, it'll be officially a public holiday-Wesak Day. I'm so tired emotionally and physically. Thank God for giving me a teaching break tomorrow. Don't know whether to thank God for not having to see those bunch of kids tomorrow. They can be a pain in the neck sometimes. But they are very adorable and lovely at times. They bring you loads of joy sometimes, especially their innocence and cheeky grins. You just can't help but ask yourself why you can't think as uncomplicated as them. One student asked me some very thought provoking questions, which I myself couldn't figure it out yet. She asked:

"Teacher, tell me quick, are you gonna be an accountant or musician in the future? Why don't you study music? Why do you study accounting? For what? Are you going to use it in the future?"

Sometimes, it's not that I don't wanna search for the answer to those questions. Perhaps I'm too afraid to find them. Probably I already knew the outcome. Probably I'm just too stubborn to face the obvious facts. Sigh....I'm so lost. On one hand, I dread teaching. But on the other hand, I obtain loads and heaps of satisfaction when I see them play as well as myself. I'm too fearful to face the day when I can't teach them anymore. Not because of anything, but due to the fact that I'm limited in my knowledge and abilities. It's like you are stucked in a maze but you know you should/ought to find a way out soon. How? How?

Recently I've been thinking about my career as well. It suddenly daunts on me that I'm completing my degree in one and a half year's time (provided I don't fail any subject). It's too soon and I'm not ready for anything out there. But I wanna get out of this assignment cycle every semester. It's so stressful as I hate assignments. I still hate them although I've completed 10 of them already. Probably it's due to the fact that I always get lousy marks for my assignments. AHH!(shouts and screams loudly)

I'm planning to do an internship next summer. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Though I know they treat interns like slaves and cheap labour. What to do?