Thank you....

Dear God,

Thank you for giving me yet another testimony to testify about your goodness. Thank you that I still have a story to tell. Indeed, you are a faithful God who never fail to provide for our needs. Your promises are ever so true.

With a gratitude heart,

.........................................

Truly, God will honour those who honour Him. It couldn't be truer when it really did happened to me. Last month, I chose to attend the overnight prayer meeting despite my assignment dateline right after that. I thank God that I've made the right choice. I managed to submit my assignment thinking to myself that I kind of screwed up the assignment due to the rush and the last minute work. But low and behold, when I got back my assignment results today....I was actually one of the few students who scored 90 and above. I was kind of taken aback by the results. Not only did I scored a first class, but it was above average...I've never expected anything beyond 70 or 75 as I don't usually do well in assignments. I actually hate them. But God gave me a pleasant surprise this time around. I can only thank God for that. Only He can do that for me....

Alas....

Alas there's a break for me.....In 9 minutes' time, it'll be officially a public holiday-Wesak Day. I'm so tired emotionally and physically. Thank God for giving me a teaching break tomorrow. Don't know whether to thank God for not having to see those bunch of kids tomorrow. They can be a pain in the neck sometimes. But they are very adorable and lovely at times. They bring you loads of joy sometimes, especially their innocence and cheeky grins. You just can't help but ask yourself why you can't think as uncomplicated as them. One student asked me some very thought provoking questions, which I myself couldn't figure it out yet. She asked:

"Teacher, tell me quick, are you gonna be an accountant or musician in the future? Why don't you study music? Why do you study accounting? For what? Are you going to use it in the future?"

Sometimes, it's not that I don't wanna search for the answer to those questions. Perhaps I'm too afraid to find them. Probably I already knew the outcome. Probably I'm just too stubborn to face the obvious facts. Sigh....I'm so lost. On one hand, I dread teaching. But on the other hand, I obtain loads and heaps of satisfaction when I see them play as well as myself. I'm too fearful to face the day when I can't teach them anymore. Not because of anything, but due to the fact that I'm limited in my knowledge and abilities. It's like you are stucked in a maze but you know you should/ought to find a way out soon. How? How?

Recently I've been thinking about my career as well. It suddenly daunts on me that I'm completing my degree in one and a half year's time (provided I don't fail any subject). It's too soon and I'm not ready for anything out there. But I wanna get out of this assignment cycle every semester. It's so stressful as I hate assignments. I still hate them although I've completed 10 of them already. Probably it's due to the fact that I always get lousy marks for my assignments. AHH!(shouts and screams loudly)

I'm planning to do an internship next summer. I'm kind of looking forward to it. Though I know they treat interns like slaves and cheap labour. What to do?

But...but....but.....ARGH!

How will you feel when your performance is being ruined by someone? You prepared so hard for it but the outcome is out of your control. And the worst thing is you are being remembered for all the mistakes that you've made. Sigh....I feel lousy, disappointed, angry and.....you fill in the blanks for me. I know I sound like I'm just blaming others for my bad performance as though I'm not wrong at all. But...But....But......ARGH!

What a "great" week....

What a "great" week....I know i'm just being really pessimistic uttering statements like these. Afterall, it's only Wednesday night and I'm already concluding depressing statements. This week is horrendous.........I've an assignment due this Friday and I'm still pretty much stucked in it. To top it off, I've a terrifying performance in front of a bunch of professionals on Saturday. Not to mention the deadly morning session in church which sends shivers at the very thought of it. Sigh...I've to miss the footstool performance due to that performance. What a waste...And I'm really not motivated to go on the week as tomorrow and Friday are gonna be work again. I don't know why time flies and before I even manage to recover from work last week, I'm faced with another Thursday again. I've 12 students in a row, back to back. It's bad and sometimes I wished I've resigned from that school. I know I shouldn't be thinking that way. But i'm seriously not looking forward to any part of the teaching. I'm just ranting and complaining I know....but God says what? Do not complain....sigh....