Liars!

Sheena detests LIARS! Yes, I hate liars. They make me rage in anger and diminish my trust on them. Their credibility will be flown out of my windows and will head straight to the longkang! I'm saying this because I'm cheated and I know the closer you are to a person, the more vulnerable you are to her/him. Why? Why? Why? If I'm being cheated on small things, what about big things that may come my way? Or are already coming my way? Probably that person is already cheating you, and foolishly you still think that person is the most trusted person in the whole wide world. A self-fulfilled prophecy has just unveil before my eyes. I always tell myself not to trust anyone in this world becoz they are human beings, they can't be trusted. No matter how nice they appear to be, there are just boundaries that I'm not supposed to step into. I'll face the "oh-oh!" situations when I've trespassed those lines. True enough......

I've absolutely no mood or whatsoever today. I hardly got any sleep yesterday and I doubt I'll be able to catch any of it tonight. The thought of going to bed is the beginning of a nightmare. I just want to get out of this evil world which is full of liars! Now I know why God hates liars. Having idols in life other than God is cheating on Him. I comprehend that....

What Should You Major In?

Your Scholastic Strength Is Evaluating

You are great at looking at many details and putting them all together. You are talented at detecting subtle trends, accuracy, and managing change. You should major in: Statistics Speech Conflict studies Communication Finance Medicine

What Should You Major In?

CNY?

CNY is so near but yet my heart is so far away. I don't feel the joy of Chinese New Year at all. Probably I've missed it last year due to my Germany trip. So it was really not much of a big deal not being able to celebrate CNY. Yeah...probably I'm more grown up and the joy of CNY has been robbed away. Most of my cousins from my father's family are already wearing different hats by now. Some became daddy, mommy, and some are already attached. So practically they are no longer crazy and youthful like they used to be in previous years. I remember that we used to be so crazy during CNY, just sitting around yaking and popet-ing, playing cards, making all sorts of lame jokes. We hardly got any sleep and we would go out middle of the night looking for food in Taiping town. But NOW.......every once in a while when we try to sit around for a chat, the yelling and crying of the small children just turn me off. My cousins are no different with the modern day parents who pamper and spoil kids. I really have no comments except looking at my cousins' kids with anger and frustration when they talk to me with no respect or whatsoever. Sigh....I'm just being realistic and cynical about this year's CNY. It's going to be boring again this CNY in my dad's hometown. I hope things will be much more different in my mum's hometown where I get to leave my hair down a lil' and chit-chat with my lovely, beautiful Ah-yi(means mum's sisters), and of course their evergreen daughters. Trust me, they never grow old. They are still quite short and babyface though they are around my age.

Ok...till then...enjoy CNY everyone.

Finally I found you....

Finally I found you....It's such a joy to find something that you've been searching for all this while. The feeling is beyond words....indescribable....People, just wanna share with you this song that I've been looking for. I know some of you may have already knew this song long time ago. I love the lyrics as they are so meaningful. I first sang it when I was in SCF Leadership Conference 2001. Yah, I know it's really a long time ago. So you can imagine the span of time I've been looking high and low for this. Feel so motivated and inspired. haha....I know we shan't go by feelings..But sometimes they are just so God-given's precious gifts to drive you in life...Well, some may not agree with me on that. But yah...by now you should realise/observe that I'm a person who feels more than think/do/imagine/etc more.

Ok...just want to acknowledge the person who passed this song to me..You know who you are...I'll never be able to repay you with a song which you've been looking for. Coz I know you are always faster than me in looking up new songs. So, save me the hassle yah.....muahahaha....

I'm a bit too lazy to put up the music of this song in the blog...But i'll find some time to do it soon....meanwhile...this is the song I've been talking about:

Give Us Clean Hands

(Words and Music by Charlie Hall)

We bow our hearts, we bend our knees

O Spirit come make us humble

We turn our eyes from evil things

O Lord we cast down our idols

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

O God let us be a generation that seeks

That seeks your face O God of Jacob

O God let us be a generation that seeks

That seeks your face O God of Jacob

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Give us clean hands, give us pure hearts

Let us not lift our souls to another

Truth hurts

Truth hurts...I know that long time ago...And I'm preparing for another 'truth-hurts' session. I'm so emo today because I'm left with so many days to face the truth. I'm preparing myself for this and I know I'm going to be stabbed with the deadly truth. No one knows what I'm talking about....Till then....

What a brand new year....

What a brand new year to start with an accident? Well, ya...as much as I don't feel like blogging about it, I still need to write it down somewhere as it's so "historic". I don't wanna go into the details, but I'm just angry and frustrated that my car was banged by some irresponsible drivers in Malaysia. I really think the Transport Ministry or whatever related ministry will severely punish these reckless drivers. Yah, I know I sound so unforgiving and cruel towards the people who have done wrong to me. But exactly! Make them suffer their own consequences! My car's damage is quite bad and I feel so sad about it coz it's so brand new. And the cost of repairing....I don't even want to start thinking about it....I'm so moodless (if such a word exist)....just so tired about the whole thing and the worst thing is...I won't get to use my car for a few weeks. Sigh....feel so handicapped.

Another round of pictures....

Argh...I'm so angry with the blogger. My photos don't seem to fit nicely in the template. Oh well...just bear with me. The following consists of photos from all sorts. Firstly, Siew Leang's wedding...which was like last year October(i know it's a bit outdated). Secondly, it'll be my gathering pictures I took with my PB1 leng luis. Enjoy....

Me in front of the church....No idea why this picture was taken.

(L-R): Kay Yi, Me, Esther and Grace

(L-R): Song Ai, Shen, Iris and me....lunch at Vietnam Kitchen...yummy....

Aww.......Don't we just look sweet? Yes, we've grown up a lot compared to the A-Levels' days. I'm not a girl, but not yet a woman. How about that huh?

Deng Deng Deng Deng (Beethoven's intro for 5th Symphony)....... One of the most beautiful pics four of us have ever taken together. Friends forever....

Pictures galore...

Finally the pictures for watchnight are here. Not quite complete...but just a few of them. Enjoy...


*gan cheong gan cheong*....The performance is about to start in a few seconds' time. It's quite clear from their facial expression.

Posing after the dance...

Another round of posing....



Finally......the not-to-be-missed annual watchnight picture....

Sigh.....

I don't particularly like it when I'm getting a wee bit too busy during my holidays. Holidays are supposed to be relaxing and all. I'm feeling that sort of stress building up again as I look at my timetable or "assignments" for the week ahead of me. Firstly, tomorrow's gonna be a meeting up with old friends. Well...some of you may be puzzled why I feel stressed about that. To explain....erm..probably it's just the stress of getting yourself to look good, fabulous and incredible in front of a bunch of people you've not met for a long time. I know I'm the kiasu type. You can't talk me out of that. Plus the fact that you don't wanna be embarassed in front of them by receiving remarks like: Oh...Have you put on a bit of weight recently?..... Wowo....wat happened to you? You look kind of old and "chan", is it caused by your work and studies? Sigh...I don't particularly like that sort of thing because it just erodes my self esteem. I've some kind of feeling that I won't be sleeping soundly tonight. All sorts of thoughts will be running in my mind, from dressing to the fear of don't-know-what-to-say situations. You know what I mean....Ok ok...come back to my timetable. After my gathering with old friends come the gathering of Christian youth workers in Rodney's place. It seems really uptight to me coz I'm just the introvert type who doesn't really like socializing so much with people whom I've not met before. It's kind of boring and exciting on the other hand. I mean you'll have all sorts of first-time-questions, such as: Oh,which church are you from? So what does your church have on Saturdays for youth meetings? La-di-la-da-da......

Then on Tuesday, supposedly a public holiday, I'm going to Kiara Hill at 6.45 in the morning. Yeah...you heard me right..It's 6.45 morning on a public holiday. Ok I'll admit that this is one of the highlight of the week. Don't know why...probably I just miss working out or something. Or rather the blunt fact that I don't need to go to work. Muahahaha....

*getting a lil' more freaky* On Wednesday, I might have to work before prayer meeting. And the "best" part is, I'm worship leading on that day. It cause lots of shivers and pangs of fear in me coz I'm just not well-versed in this area. Yea, I know....A lot of you may say that I've been involved in the worship ministry for goodness knows how many years. But the fact that scares me most is the pressure of choosing the right songs and saying the right things(prayers) during the worship session. I'm scared to death and I just pray that the good Lord will be gracious to me in helping and guiding me for this "assignment".

Oh yeah...I forgot that I also need to prepare the exam pieces for my students. I've to try out all the prescribed pieces and set the fingerings for them. Well, it also includes the interpretation and expression. That's pretty scary. I've been sitting for exams all the time and now this time around I'm preparing others to sit for the exams. I'm really pressured. Sometimes I don't know whether the fear comes from my perfectionist nature or what. On one hand, I want them to do well in the exams and on the other hand, I want them to take it in a relaxing manner by treating it as a life-time experience. But there are so many parts to the exam: Aural, sight-reading, scales, pieces.....How can I let them relax?

*blood pressure building up....* Then, the most most most freaky part of the weak is Saturday. Why Saturday? Oh...I just hate to think about it. I'm leading the youths in an interactive teaching cum discussion session. I'm seriously not prepared. I'm still praying about it and I really want God to lead me and guide me through this. I cannot teach others what I do not know personally. So this is the toughest assignment for the week and I'm having goose-bumps as I type this post now.

Stucked....

People...just pray for me...I feel so stucked. I don't know how to start preparing it. It seems that nothing, nothing, nothing came out of my mind. Well, to elaborate...I'm actually preparing for a discussion/talk that's gonna be next Saturday. Can you imagine? Next Saturday, but I'm still blank! I'm just not fit to be doing these stuffs. I myself am clueless. Sigh.....

Vroom.....

Vroom.......Year 2005 has passed so quickly before I even realised it. It has a lot of good and a lot of bad. I just could not imagine that my Germany experience is already coming to one year. During this time of the year in 2005, I was really freaking out and busy preparing for the audition in Germany. Things like winter clothings, train schedules in Germany, music scores and practices really drove me to the wall. The stress in itself was so overwhelming that I lost so much weight. And of course not forgetting my pink(or rather red)-pimplish face. I always have that when I'm undergoing stress. Sigh....I suddenly have a lot of these reminiscence because I saw a fax from Aunty Maureen(a really nice lady whom I put up with when I was in Germany) today. She said there was plenty of snow on New Year's Day in 2006. So the word snow is causing me to have all these recollections. The thought of the Germany experience really send shivers down my spine. I sometimes hate to think of it because it was this trip that has caused a lot of pains and hurts to me. But yet it was this trip that makes me grow. I really learn a lot during this trip. I won't say I hate Germany. But I would like to go back there for tour someday as I really cherish those nice things from the European countries. YES! I do miss the snow, Schwarzwald (Black Forest) in Freiburg, the train rides on ICE, Nadelkuesse (some egg-white thingy coated with chocolate), tea time in Germany, food, etc. and of course not forgetting the wonderful people I met in Germany. People like Aunty Maureen and Werner, Shuen Da and other competitors from all over the world. Especially Aunty Maureen and Werner, I'll never forget your kind deeds and the acts of kindness that you've poured out to my family. I miss Harxheim too. Harxheim is a small village in the suburb where Aunty Maureen stays. It is really what I always like and dream of. A small neighbourhood with country-styled houses which is neatly and beautifully maintained. It also has a small supermarket where folks of the village meet-up during their daily shopping. It is such a simple lifestyle these people live (well, at least the looks of it). Oh well...Uncle Nick is right, we need to close the year 2005 well and deal with the issues that need to be resolved. I guess some parts of this experience is still haunting me and I sometimes just push away these scary memories to the back of my mind as I'm too fearful to deal with them. I know it's over and I'm safe and sound in Malaysia. But I just couldn't picture myself dealing with all the logistics before, during and after the trip. I'll never visualise myself walking alone during a gloomy snowy day, conversing (or at least try to express myself) in German to book a hotel or train ticket, hopping to different towns which I've absolutely no idea of, reading maps, and last but not least the performance in front of world-class music professors. I just couldn't believe it that I did all that. I know it's nothing to a lot of you who are reading this blog. But it means a lot to me as I was really a pampered and dependent person before this trip. After the trip, I was working and studying till now. I am glad that the trip brought about changes which will benefit me for life. And it is also through this trip that I realise there are a lot of people out there who cares for me. For all of you who have supported me through prayers, fellowship, and just being there to hear me out, I want to truly express my gratitude. You know who you are. And it is also through this trip that I've drawn closer to some of my church friends. It was all of you who made God's presence and blessings evident to me. You guys are just so God-sent. I know God was carrying me in His arms through all these events. He was holding my hand all the way. I can only begin to see the big picture after this one year. I agree that when we are so caught up with a situation, we can't see God as we magnify our problems more than we magnify who our God is. And sometimes we are not able to see the full picture as we are standing too near the picture. We've gotta stand further to be able to view the magnificent piece of art. That's what I can conclude. I still might not understand some of the things which happened. But I'm beginning to see it. I hope God is guiding me on the right track. I don't want to have the 'what-if'' moments, in other words the regretting moments by making the wrong decisions.

Ok.....so much about my reflection on 2005. I was really busy with events and activities during the X'mas and New Year season. The hip-hop dance presentation turned out quite well. Too bad there is no proper recording of the whole presentation. It's one genre of music that I'm starting to like and I've discovered my long-unearthed desire....that is to learn dancing. I really love dancing and I hope I can do something about it. Well, if I have the $, I'll definitely invest my time in dance classes. Sigh...It's ok, we can't always have the best of both worlds. It's either dancing or music classes. I can't give up my violin yet coz I still have my exam to sit for.

Then, I also watched King Kong yesterday. I don't know how to describe my feelings about it. Felt a bit weird as a lot of people were touched by the romance between Ann and King Kong. The weird thing is I'm not really touched by that and I'll never imagine love between a human and an animal or at least a not-human-nor-animal thingy. Probably I'm just not a person who likes unrealistic stuff. I can be quite realistic when I wanna be though I used to be an idealist. I just hope that those scary scenes in the show won't appear in my dreams. Some parts of the movie are quite yucky and gross. Ah well, I shan't talk about it. Don't wanna comment nor spoil an A-rated movie.

I think I've blogged enough. Hope it doesn't bore you. Happy New Year once again...